Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25–27)
This past Sunday, we wrapped up the section of Ephesians that speaks to husbands and wives, by looking at the section speaking to husbands. You can listen to the sermons here. Here are four things to notice in this biblical call to husbands.
First, notice that husbands are spoken to directly in this letter written to the church. Husbands, God doesn’t only care about your wives. He doesn’t only care that your wives are faithful and obedient, and you can do your own thing. He hasn’t given the church and its fellowship and service and teaching to be mostly for the women, because we men are self-sufficient. No! God speaks directly to you, and expects you to be present in the church to hear!
Men, your calling is not primarily secular, having to do with your career, making money, playing sports, pursuing your hobbies. Your calling is first and foremost spiritual, having to do with your Creator God. Be men of God! Set the spiritual climate of your home. Set an example for your kids, for your wife.
Second, notice what the primary command to husbands is not. We might have thought that after calling women to submit to their husbands, Paul would turn and say, “Husbands, lead your wives.” Now, surely there is an implied leadership in their headship (Eph. 5:23), and in the call for wives to submit (Eph. 5:21-22).
But the primary command husbands are given is not to lead, but to love. The dominant tone and texture of a husband’s role is to be love for his wife. The thing that others should notice most about a husband’s relationship with his wife is his love. Husbands, in our leading, we must love.
Third, notice that husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially. Christ gave himself up for the church, endured mocking, beating, and death out of love for the church. Husbands are called to give nothing less for their wives. Of course, most of us won’t be required to lay down our lives for our wives, but are we willing to lay down our hobbies, interests, schedule, and desires for her?
Yes, we have a headship in marriage; we have some authority and ultimate responsibility for our marriage. At times we have to lead against the will of our wife. Serving her does not mean making her will and desires ultimate; only God is ultimate.
However, God says that our leadership of our wife is to be characterized by self-sacrificing service. We should LOVE to serve our wife. Her desires and needs should matter to us, and matter more than your own. And if and when you find that you don’t love to serve your wife, consider how Christ has loved you, and continues to love you.
Fourth, notice that Christ doesn’t love the church because she is lovely, but in order to make her lovely. “…that he MIGHT present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27).
God doesn’t love us because we are lovely, because we have proven ourselves, because we have risen to the top of humanity and shown ourselves to be more righteous, serious, pure in our doctrine and morals.
God loves us because he is gracious and compassionate to lost, dead and rightly condemned sinners, and sent Jesus to suffer and die for our sin and guilt and the judgment it deserved before a holy God.
And having done this, he is forming us—the church–into a pure and spotless and stunning bride, to be presented to him in all joy and love.
Husbands, in a like manner as Christ’s love for the church, your love for your wife isn’t to be determined by her evident loveliness. You don’t measure your love for her, day by day, by the loveliness of her appearance or attitude or maturity.
You are called to lead her to greater loveliness, to create loveliness in her. She should thrive in your love, and become more lovely in your love. She should be more spiritually mature, more emotionally and psychologically strong, more confident because of your love for her, and your leading of her.
Does she always deserve this from you? No! But that’s the point! And that’s why Christ must be more important to you than your wife, and why you must look at him as much as you look at your wife.
As he has loved you in all your unloveliness, and continues to do so, bearing with you patiently, leading you to be secure and comfortable and confident in his love, so you are to love your wife. She should become more secure and comfortable and confident in your love.
Husbands, be strong in the grace of the Lord, in your identity and worth in the Lord. That is what your wives need from you most!